Tidy your life, manifest your best!

A few years ago, Marie Kondo, famed organizational expert, gained world-wide notoriety and became a household name. If you ever viewed her show on Netflix, then you know that this petite, quiet woman’s superpower was empathetically guiding people through the challenging yet rewarding process of decluttering their homes. 

As a therapist, it was such an intriguing process to witness-to see how people accumulated things over the years; how they clinged to things out of comfort and how that need for comfort and familiarity led to clutter; how they endured the emotional rollercoaster of emotions as they processed memories attached to certain items, etc.; and ultimately how they chose to fully commit to the purging process in order to reap their very personal and differentiated reward. The decluttering was not simply a physical process, but an emotional one as well. Ms. Kondo famously stated, “Tidying is the act of confronting yourself.” What must you confront to live a tidy, happier life?

As I cleaned out my own closet this weekend, I had an epiphany. This decluttering and purging process was the very thing I needed to do with not only my possessions, but my life as well.  I needed to Marie Kondo certain parts of my life in order to make room for the things I wanted to manifest this year. This was the perfect time to start!

So, obviously, I wonder, as you read this, what areas of your life could you declutter in order to make room for your best hopes and desires to manifest? Oftentimes we tether ourselves to things, people, relationships, mindsets, experiences, and behaviors-whether they are good for us or not- because they are comfortable, familiar, part of our identity (or at least that’s what we tell ourselves), and in order to move on from these weights, we have to take an introspective look within and possibly experience some hurt and emotional discomfort. The prospect of discomfort paralyzes us and keep us from making progress in our life; however, in order to move forward, we have to experience the discomfort of letting go; the good thing is that the discomfort is temporary, and on the other side of that pain, is purpose, growth, newness, happiness, and peace. “The first step in crafting the life you want is to get rid of everything you don’t” (Becker). 

Consider the following tips to help you begin the rewarding process of purging what no longer serves you:

• Identify your best hopes for the coming year. When you begin with the end in mind, you can align your daily actions with your ultimate goal.  

• Assess the things, people, mindsets, and behaviors, etc. that are beneficial and those that stifle your growth. Create an action plan to remove or address those unhelpful and possibly harmful aspects of your life. Create goals to be more intentional about those helpful and fulfilling aspects of your life. 

• Welcome all emotions with self-compassion and acceptance. The purging process can be uncomfortable, and you may experience emotions that you have been actively trying to avoid. Acknowledging and accepting all feelings helps you grow through the process. Welcome your feelings- uncomfortable as well as pleasant- as guides teachers, leading you safely along your journey.

• Commit to the process of purging in order to realize your purpose. Understand that in order to welcome the new, you have to let go of the old. 

Remember, begin with the end in mind. Begin your year with intention- changing unhelpful habits, reframing negative  mindsets, and purging non-utilitarian things- in order to manifest what you deserve. Remind yourself that you deserve all the best that this year has to offer. 

Kindall Tyson, M.Ed., LPC, NCC

What I Choose to Remind Myself

On a normal day, you are pulled in several directions. Now, in addition to perpetual multitasking, you have the added dilemma of managing your thoughts and emotions about returning to school, COVID, voting, and the general state of the world. Honestly, it  can all be quite overwhelming at times when you are trying to maintain a sense of normalcy and balance with a healthy dose of positive outlook. 

As the world turns, the days go by, and you attempt to live a meaningful, productive life, I wonder what have been the prevalent thoughts running through your mind? What’s the story that you’ve been telling yourself? I can imagine that we all have a mix of thoughts and feelings right now, considering the state of the world that we live in, and maybe with all the hustle and bustle of life, demands from work, and interpersonal responsibilities, it can be somewhat of a task trying to manage your thoughts.. 

There are days that seem to run like clockwork-you feel good, you’re encouraged, work goes well, then there are other days where it appears as if nothing goes according to plan. Those are the days you have to dig deep and be intentional about your automatic thoughts that arise. For me, when I sit, reflect, and compare the two experiences, the consistent thing I have noticed is that my day is determined by the type of thoughts I allow to take root in my mind. 

Roy T. Bennet states, “Don’t be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.”

The world swirls with things to be fearful of right now; I often have to remind myself that I am not powerless and have so much control over my life even when it seems like I do not. Below are a few messages that I find it imperative to remind myself of on a consistent basis: 

You are not behind. You’re right on time. Run your own race with grace and faith.  This one speaks for itself. When times get tough, and you begin to compare yourself and your journey to others, it is so important to put your blinders on and stay focused on yourself and your progress. We all know that comparison is the thief of joy, and the more we are externally focused on other people’s process, the less time we have to focus on our own path, growth, and continued areas of opportunity. Also, do your best to practice continued self-compassion which will help boost your level of acceptance and resilience building skills. There is a specified time for each of us to “arrive” at that proverbial destination, and where you are currently and work that you engage in right now is preparing you for that arrival. Have faith that no matter what your situation appears to be, this is all part of the journey intended to grow you, prepare you, and help you to be more grateful when you time does come. 

Trust your gifts. Don’t deprive the world of the knowledge and wisdom you have to share. Someone needs what you have-your skills, your knowledge, your creativity, your coalition building. When you’re dealing with self-doubt, remind yourself of the accomplishments that you’ve been able to accumulate to this point. If it helps, write them down and place them where you are able to see them and review them. Sometimes it takes for you to stumble in order to find your strength. You are skilled, and you have a lot to give the world. Take each opportunity as a chance to hone your gifts and actualize into the best version of yourself. Your gifts will make room for you when you engage in the daily work to sharpen them and when you engage in the daily work to to trust yourself and the process.

Fear is false. Push through it. As aforementioned, your thoughts aren’t always true. Fear has a way of immobilizing us, but it doesn’t have to. The thing that incites fear within you may probably be the item you would benefit from addressing, first. Working with a therapist to help you sort through your fears and not allowing them to become barriers to your success is a route that I will always suggest. Sometimes, a more objective perspective provides the opportunity you need to reframe your fears and use them to fuel your growth. 

Why are you doing this again? When times get tough, and you begin to question the process, it can be beneficial to remind yourself of your reasons to engage in the thing that you’re doing. The journey isn’t meant to be a breeze; it is meant to be ripe with learning opportunities and chances to see yourself, authentically, and encourage yourself. When you want to quit, remember that which motivates you. Remember the reasons you chose what you chose. Remind yourself of the small victories you experienced along the way. Never forget what led you to the thing you chose. Write your reasons why down; journal about them; keep them front and center to refresh you as life takes its course.

As you reflect, think about those affirming thoughts that you would benefit from being reminded about? Create a practice that you can incorporate into your day that will allow you to meditate on your why and manifest the reality you desire.

Here’s a thinking strategy for you to practice. It’s called Train Your Morning Thoughts from the CBT Deck. 

Write down 3 positive and accurate thoughts that you can read and repeat to yourself before you get out of bed. Practice filling your mind with thoughts that serve you well. 

Remember that your thoughts can deceive you.! They can be influenced by your mood, so it’s imperative that you actively engage with yourself and counter those inevitable negative thoughts. I’ll leave you with this reminder…

Kindall Tyson, M.Ed., LPC, NCC

Therapist | Educator Wellness Coach

www.aspirecounselingwell.com

Moving Forward in the Midst of Discomfort

We are experiencing discomfort at unprecedented levels-in our personal lives and in our professional lives. Going about our daily lives and taking care of our basic needs has proven to be somewhat challenging considering everything unfolding in the world today. Some days it’s easier to accept life as it is, while other days, it is difficult to put one foot in front of the other. Although there are forces outside our control pulling us in multiple directions, we still are bound by the responsibilities of life, and as they say, life goes on!

Although there’s much occurring outside of our control in this season, we still maintain control over so much.

So, I pose this question again, how would you like to move forward? What will you nee to move forward in the most efficient manner?

Will you be stalled by life’s surprises, or will you use this forced slowdown to make some things start moving in your life?

Here are three things to consider when moving forward in the midst of discomfort:

1. Make up your mind and monitor your thoughts along the way. Your success begins with your thinking. With a determined mind, a focused mind, and an encouraging and healthy mind, you can go far. When times become challenging (and they will), adopting a growth mindset will make it easier to get through difficult, debilitating moments. Rosa Parks once eloquently stated, “I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear. Knowing what must be done does away with fear.”

2. Set SMART goals to help guide your progress. Goals are like roadmaps to success. Without them, success is possible; however, with them you have more alignment, focus, and guideposts to steer your progress. Setting goals is a sign of intention, and in order to amass the success that you seek, it behooves you to have a plan in place as you work through the process. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

3. Learn and implement skills that will help you deal with distressing emotions and situations. There will be happenstance events that occur in your life as you choose to move forward. You will encounter distressing situations, troubling situations, and confounding situations, but do not be resigned by these events. They come to test your resolve, and it is imperative that you have a tool box of skills to help you master the hills and valleys that you will encounter along your journey. You have the tools that you need to be successful, but you can also learn more skills to help you better manage your thoughts and feelings and you move forward amidst discomfort.

I want to share with you a mindful strategy to help you better manage your thoughts during distressing times. Practicing mindfulness helps you focus on the present, reduces anxious feelings, and helps you gain a greater sense of acceptance. This strategy can be done anywhere and by anyone.

THOUGHTS ON PARADE (Mindfulness for teen anxiety, pg. 50).

• Take a moment to get into a comfortable posture (sitting in a chair, hands on thighs, eyes closed), and just begin to bring your awareness to your thoughts.

• Imagine a parade going by on the street; you are sitting on standing and watching the parade pass by. 

• Now, try to imagine yourself actually on the floats going past, or perhaps on signs and banners carried by the marchers in the parade. Take a few minutes and just imagine the thoughts passing by. 

• Remember, do not join the parade and start matching with the thoughts; stand back and enjoy the show, knowing that even the biggest thoughts will pass by or be carried away by someone in the parade. 

Practice this strategy when you are not experiencing distressing emotions. Doing so makes it easier to implement when you are experiencing moments of distress, and if you’re struggling with doing so, seek the help of a licensed professional. 

So, I ask again, how would you like to move forward? How will you move forward with renewing your mindset? How will you move forward with managing your self-care? How will you move forward with using this challenging time as a catalyst for growth? How will you grow from this forced standstill? 

Remember, when you decide how you would like to move forward, your mind goes before your body! Feed your mind positivity; feed it encouragement; feed it with non-judgmental acceptance. Enhance your thinking with strategies meant to calm and focus it. Doing so will be beneficial for you in the long run.

I want to leave you with a quote from Robin Diangelo. 

How would you like to move forward?

Best regards,

Kindall Tyson, M.Ed., LPC, NCC

LPC | Educator Wellness Coach

www.aspirecounselingwell.com